Malik Ishtar the Evil of Evil
by Mokuba-chan
Summary: Now back new and improved! Malik wants to fulfill his legacy...And he tries to destroy Yuugi while doing so. OOC, chaos, random and weird. CH4 UP! Random-ness and Cheetos!
1. I shall fulfill my Legacy! Muhahahaha!

Malik Ishtar the Evil of Evil

Chapter 1: I shall fulfill my Legacy! Muhahahaha!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.

Note: Just so things are funny, the "Yami" people have separate bodies unless noted.

Chapter 1: I shall fulfill my Legacy! Muhahahaha!!

"Hi. Welcome to my sucky life where I'm forced to go to school, have this fic about myself have its format changed, making it less funny unless the author can be smart and have witty stuff added and live in the same city as Yuugi. Sure the real way to spell Yuugi's name is actually 'Yugi' but just to piss off the viewers, it will be 'Yuugi.' Anyway, I live with my sister, Isis, my dark side Yami Malik and Lishido." The main character if this idiotic fic stood proud in his small confide room (which had the crappest looking decorations by the way)

"I am secretly trying to fulfill my legacy!" Malik whispered. And oddly enough, no one was in the room and he was still talking to himself.

"It's no secret you idiot! You tell everyone you see you will fulfill your legacy...Like you ever will." The second bitchyest person in this series, Yami Malik said as he suddenly appeared in the room.

"Hey! Shut up! I am gonna fulfill my legacy!" He continued to stand proud, making himself look all almighty. Too bad he still looked like a dumbass.

"Hey!"

"Malik! Breakfast!" Isis calls out and somehow mystically, Malik hears her.

"Coming Isis!" Malik calls back. He then begins to exit his room and go down stairs.

"My life really sucks, but I told you that already, didn't I? And life REALLY sucks when you don't get downstairs fast enough to eat your share of the food before other people eat it. Damn Lishido and 'other me' always eating my food...When I fulfill my legacy they shall be bowing as my feet begging for mercy! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

Malik walked downstairs to eat breakfast only to find his yami side eating his food!

"Noooooo! My food!" Malik said as he sobbed and cried like a wussy girl. Gotta give the guy credit that he can act like a girl.

But anyway, Malik watched in horror as the last bit of his good looking food was devoured by his other self.

"Yum." Yami Malik licked his lips as if he was a child.

"How dare you eat my food! I will make you pay in the name of the moon!" Malik struck a pose. (1)

"What are you, gay?" Spat Yami Malik...Literally!

Malik then went to go get Yami Malik's favorite playboy magazine so he could threaten his dear friend with it. But, since I think that is a crappy idea to put in this fic, it has been Erased! And because the scene no longer exists, that would mean that the scene...No longer exists. And that something new happens!

"See this set of glass animals that are used for accessorizing houses?" Malik came rushing back from the other room as he held it in his hand.

"Yeah?" Yami Malik said.

"Well now it is gone!" He said as he smashed it to pieces.

"Uh, that wasn't even mine." The white haired guy who would like to kill people like me and you for looking at him. Or even smelling him.

"Well, uh, if it was yours, then you would be pretty pissed." Malik pointed out in an intelligent way.

"If it was mine then yes, I would be pissed and would want to strangle you to death with that phone cord over there and then cut you up into tiny pieces and then send you piece by piece to that guy who lives down the street." Finished Yami Malik. He then shook his head in disgust that I lacked vocabulary.

"Malik, he called you gay. Aren't you going to do something about it?" Isis asked. Sure she thought she was gonna be a main character in this fic, but nope. She's just a minor character.

"I don't know yet. However, I am plotting a master plan as we speak!" Malik chuckled obnoxiously as the rest of the people in the room fell down anime style.

"You are can be that way! Looking all weird with those matching pajama's you all bought for yourself but forgot to buy me a matching one so I can't be matching with all of you!" He then ran off like a pussy, which was kinda entertaining to see.

So then Malik decided to go to school, since he was supposed to go anyway.

"Another day in this hellhole! I must let this school realize my legacy! I shall torture my classmates till I can't torture them no more!....Or at least until I need a break."

And then there was silence...

"But you won't read about me and my evil plot till the next chapter! Bwa ha ha ha ha!" He laughed evilly. And then viciously. And then in an evil mechanical way. And then he just laughed.

Meanwhile, in a house that was brown, that was on land, that was in a neighborhood, that was in a town, that was in a country, that was in the Earth, that was in space and that was in the universe, a man let out a cry.

"Who broke my glass animal collection?!"

To Be Continued

Will Malik torture his classmates? Will he fulfill his legacy? Will Bakura show up in the next chapter? Am I only talking about Bakura so I can attract people to keep reading this story? And will I ever develop a sense of humor that will be funny in writing?

Find out some of the things in the next chapter!

r&r!

(1) Malik is acting like Sailor Moon from the anime series "Sailor Moon"


	2. My Best friend was abducted by Evil Lepr...

Malik Ishtar the Evil of Evil

Chapter 2: My Best friend was abducted by Evil Leprechauns

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.

"You know, is there going to be anything new in these old chapters?" Isis asked Lishido.

"I don't think there will be any great amount of new things since this story is still in production. The newer chapters were better than these old ones…So I guess the viewers are going to have to wait until the revised new chapters are posted." Lishido replied.

"These old-new ones are going to be good anyway, just not as good as the later chapters. Who was that guy who was crying about those glass animals in the last chapter anyway?" Isis asked Lishido another question.

"Oh, that was me. Thanks for reminding me about that. I have to go beat Malik to death with this wiffle bat now." He then pulled out the bat and walked off.

"Enjoy!" Malik's sister, Isis, waved goodbye to him happily.

Meanwhile at Domino High…

"Now what shall my evil twisted plan be today?" Cackled Malik.

"Good morning Malik!" Bakura cheerfully said as he appeared out of no where. "Did you know Ohaiyou in Japanese means good morning?"

"Damn you Bakura! Don't you ever sneak up on me like that again! You ruined my train of deep thought!" Malik raised his voice angrily. Gr, looks like he's mad.

"Hurry or you will be late for class, Malik." Bakura stated as he walked into the classroom he had his first class in.

"That annoying bastard! He always...Wait, let me put that in caps...." Malik paused for a moment. "He ALWAYS tries to tell me what to do! If this keeps up, Christmas will never be saved!"

"That's right!" A pissed off looking reindeer suddenly appeared.

"Oh and there is a chance he will stand in my way of letting me complete my legacy." Malik added.

There was silence.

"...Well I won't allow it! My evil plot starts by getting rid of him! MuHaHaHaHaHa!!" He grinned evilly--And I mean evilly!

Malik then followed his other classmates into his classroom, which was the same classroom Bakura went in I might add.

"Did you know that Malik is still trying to fulfill his legacy?" A blonde haired boy whispered to his friend.

"He still is? How do you know that, Jounouchi?" Jounouchi's brown haired friend asked.

"Honda, I got resources. Anyway, no one thinks he will succeed anyway." Jounouchi finished.

"Stupid classmates. You will soon all--" Malik began his speech about that he will fulfill his legacy, something he always did, but, he tripped over a chair.

"Hi Malik! It's nice to see you again." Bakura waved to him cheerfully as his friend was on the floor. "You shouldn't yell in the classroom. The teacher will be coming soon. You better sit down in your seat." He added.

"God dammit!" Malik thought to himself, then continued; "Bakura thinks he can just boss me around. Malik do this, Malik do that, Malik you can't do that or Malik, you shouldn't wear that bunny costume." He gritted his teeth.

"Well I'm sick of it! I should be allowed to wear bunny costumes if I feel like it--All people should! So, to help all the people around the world who want to wear a bunny costume, I will take out Bakura!!"

Just then, a flash of light appeared. It revealed a dozen or so short evil leprechauns dressed in black. Me, using a lame plot device to get rid of Bakura? Never!

"What the hell?!" Malik gasped.

Just then, the phrase 'just then' was being used too much but anyway, the whole pack of leprechauns jumped on Bakura, causing him to fall off of his chair. They tied Bakura up with some rope that was found conveniently off to the side of Bakura's desk. The evil leprechauns grabbed the poor white haired teen and jumped in all together in a black hole to another dimension.

"Wow. I guess I didn't have to use my evil plot to get rid of him after all." Malik blinked.

The whole class didn't even know where Bakura left to. In fact, they didn't even care! Talk about assholes! Malik then pulled out a checklist from his back pocket. It read;

**Who ever is reading this; this is not my evil plot**

By Malik Ishtar

-Get rid of Bakura

-Do stuff

-Fulfill my legacy

Fin

"Oh well. One step closer to fulfilling my legacy! MuHaHaHaHaHa!!" He then proceeded to crossing out 'get rid of Bakura.'

Then before we all knew it, it was lunch time. Joy.

There stood a bunch of hippies. They were protesting at the pretend fourth wall. They were mad.

"We want these old chapters to be just as good as the newer chapters! And we want them to be long!" The ringleader shouted. He had long shaggy light brown hair to his shoulders and he was wearing sunglasses too. He wore a tie-dyed shirt with the peace sign in the middle along with ¾ long jeans and sandals.

Sure the other hippies could be described just as well as that, but that wasn't going to happen.

"Short chapters suck!" A girl hippie yelled as well.

A man wearing a spiffy looking suit and sunglasses came up to them. "I'm the producer of this story and I say you should calm down. The author is trying her best to bring the nine chapters that are currently made for this story back up revised so she can let everyone enjoy the newer stuff." He finished.

"We don't care if the newer stuff is going to be better—we want better stuff now!" A male hippie protested.

"…And you're not even the producer of this story!" He then spoke again.

"Aright, so I'm not the producer of the show." The man rolled his eyes. "But if I was the producer…I would be the greatest of all producers!" He laughed like a crazy mad man.

Leaving that problem there to deal with their own problems, we go to Malik…

"Should I care that Bakura was abducted? Nah. What I have to think about now is fulfilling my legacy." He paused, then shifted his eyes, looking to see if anyone was watching him.

"MuHaHaHaHaHa!!" The Egyptian then took a bite out of his sandwich.

"Baloney, yum."

"Aha! I found you, you porno magazine stealer!" Yami Malik pointed at Malik dramatically.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Malik asked in an annoyed tone.

"You dumbass! Don't you remember a thing?! You stole my porno this morning, remember?!" He questioned.

"Oh that. I put it on the counter before I left laughing evilly to school this morning." Malik responded.

"You put it on the counter?" Yami Malik asked in confusion.

"God, now a flashback is gonna come." Malik sighed.

FLASHBACK

"MuHaHaHaHaHa!! You all shall realize my legacy!!" Malik laughed as he put his dark side's magazine on the counter then left.

FLASHBACK ENDS

"Hey! The 'puts the magazine on the counter' thing wasn't even in the last chapter! You should have put it!" The co-owner of the millennium rod shouted.

"Shut up. I put it in the flashback. But, if you remember, that scene was erased...So we shouldn't even be having this scene because it shouldn't exist!" Malik was even shocked from what he was saying.

"...Meaning..." Malik continued; "Oh my God...Oh my God....My baloney sandwich doesn't exist!" He cried.

"What an idiot. I'm outta here." Yami Malik then disappeared.

"Yes..." The dumber Malik regained his senses. "...Escape for now, but soon you and everyone else will parish in the hands of me! Malik Ishtar the evil of evil! MuHaHaHaHaHa!" He laughed madly.

"I shall torture my classmates...In the next chapter!"

To be continued

Will Malik _really_ torture his classmates in the next chapter? Or will he just stale again and not till the next chapter after the next?

"Hey! A lot of stuff happened in this chapter!" Malik protested.

Will Malik fulfill his legacy? Will he keep using words like 'fulfill' and 'realize'...Or use new vocab for once?

"Shut up!"

Okay, okay, I will stop. What random crap will I pull outta my ass and put in the next chapter? Well, for those who read this story before it was taken down would know....But anyway, the next chapter is full of old and new stuff so don't miss it!

R&r!


	3. I shall torture my classmates! MuHaHaHaH...

Malik Ishtar the Evil of Evil

Chapter 3: I shall Torture my classmates! MuHaHaHaHaHa!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or Fox.

"Hey were like on a role here! Shelling out two chapters…In one day!" Malik stood proudly.

"Yeah, the chapters were pretty short and easy to write though." Yami Malik pointed out.

"Shut up!" Malik glared at his dark side.

In the cozy little classroom Malik sat in, it was break time. As odd as it may sound it was true. Malik was writing ideas for his 'master torture plan' in his notebook. Suddenly, the papers in the notebook were falling apart. That was a problem to Malik.

"Dammit! How evil it is!" He glared at the notebook. "I shall destroy it...Or just tape it back together."

A random female classmate of Malik's then walked up to his desk, which is where he was sitting if you didn't catch on and started to talk to him; "Hi Malik!"

"Get away from me you wench!" Malik shrieked then used his millennium rod to force her to jump out one of the windows.

"Hi Malik, how ya doing?" A random male classmate approached the weird Ishtar from behind and poked him on his back.

As fast as you could say 'the' Malik jumped behind the male classmate who was bothering him and yelled; "Judo chop!" Then hit the guy in the back of his neck, knocking him out.

"Hey Malik!" Another male classmate popped out of nowhere. They were like ants, you kill one and more would just come to harass you. It was like an infinite loop. "Did you do your homework last night?"

"Be gone!" Was all Malik said then he stabbed him to death with a knife continuously.

Everything and everyone went silent.

"Whoops..."

Then, in a far distant area in the world, which was right over there (points to the other side of the class room Malik was currently in) Yami Yuugi sat with Anzu.

"Damn him! He is trying to fulfill his legacy by torturing people! I can't let it happen! Why you ask? Because I am the star in _Yu-Gi-Oh_! And I always win!"

"Someone is full of it." Anzu responded then made a sour mad face at her friend, Yami Yuugi.

"I have tortured some of my classmates! I am one step closer to fulfilling my legacy! MuHaHaHaHaHa!!" Malik cackled.

"Why does he always have to do an evil laugh after he talks about his legacy?" Anzu whispered to Yami Yuugi.

Yami Yuugi then transformed....Into a bird! Alright, he just went back to being Yuugi. "He's just weird, Anzu. That's all I can say."

From making an executive decision, it was decided that the scene then went to after school.

"We want new ideas in old chapters! And new chapters!" The group of hippies persisted to protesting in whatever random place they wanted to stand.

"We want new ideas in—" They were cut off by a random man due to the fact he was spraying them with his hose…Full of pineapple juice!

(Insert dramatic music)

"You may have defeated us this time but we hippies won't lose this war of terror! We won't allow these old chapters to bore us and the rest of the world to death!" The leader yelled out bravely like. His speech was like one of those inspirational ones you heard on _Fox TV_—Really crappy.

"Why do I get the feeling these damn hippies are gonna stalk me until the later chapters show up?" Malik closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "And why do I get the feeling this chapter is gonna be short?" He opened his eyes and looked sad for a bit.

"…Oh well!"

Yuugi tapped into the puzzle he wore everyday and became the dead pharaoh we all like to call dumbass.

"Hey!" Yami Yuugi yelled out. He then decided to ignore that comment and continue on to what he was gonna say.

"I challenge you to a duel Kaiba! Err, Malik!" He quickly fixed his error.

"In order to fulfill my legacy, pharaoh, I must murder you! And your friends...That are right next to you! Bwa ha ha ha!!" Malik acted all villain like as everyone stood their speechless.

Yami Yuugi glared at Malik. Malik glared at Yami Yuugi. It was one of the best duels ever—it was a glaring contest! But after a couple of minutes, the battle was no longer between both of them; it then included all of Yami Yuugi's friends. Malik glared at Anzu. She then replied to his glare by glaring at him. Then Yami Yuugi glared at Malik again. Next Malik glared at Jounouchi—and, gasp! He did the same in return! And then Honda glared at Malik. Malik then glared back at him. And then Honda glared at Jounouchi!

"Hey man! I didn't do anything to you!" Jounouchi glared at Honda.

"Whoops, sorry." Honda said.

"Somebody went a little too far in the glaring contest." Malik said wittily.

"I think that is something we can all agree on." Yami Yuugi nodded his head in agreement.

"Indeed." Anzu nodded as well.

"Indeed!" Jounouchi added in as well.

They then all looked at each other, then at the floor. And then gave the impression of being occupied by looking at the surroundings outside. While doing this they were trying to avoid eye contact with each other. They didn't know what to do or say next so they said and did nothing but look like they were doing something.

"Well, isn't this an awkward moment." Jounouchi spoke and then coughed.

Just then, from far away, all the way from Malik's house, a voice called out his name. And somehow mystically the group could hear while they were still on the school grounds.

"Malik! Time for dinner!!" Isis screamed as loud as she could at the front door outside.

Malik heard her. Then for some unknown reason, he gave Yami Yuugi a mean glare. And when I mean mean, it was mean. Mean as an old man beating on a little boy for just spitting on the floor.

"Well, the lord of Hell has called for me. I must bid you all farewell." Malik said then walked in the dark then faded away.

"Lord of Hell? But wasn't that his sister who called him?" Jounouchi asked with a confused look on his face.

"You really are thick headed, aren't you, Jounouchi?" Anzu shook her head in disgust from the stupidity coming from her blonde friend.

"From this moment on...I vow that I will try by all means to stop Malik from fulfilling his legacy because I am Yami Yuugi!!"

To be continued

Malik has finally tortured some of his classmates...And killed one of them but anyway...Will Yami Yuugi carry out his vow for the rest of the story? Or will he decide to sit on his ass and watch reruns of old sitcoms? And what exactly is Malik's legacy??

"I dunno, but you'll have to read the rest of the story to find out! MuHaHaHaHaHa!!" Malik laughed like an idiot. He still does that laugh....Some things never change.

R&r!


	4. Randomness and Cheetos

Malik Ishtar the Evil of Evil

Chapter 4: Random-ness and Cheetos

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh

-

Chapter 4: Random-ness and Cheetos

"Oh we all know that the chapter four title was repeated just to add more words so the story will look like it is big--I'm on to you author!" Malik pointed in front of him viciously.

"Hey, get away from me you freak!" Malik screamed at a figure holding an axe in front of him.

Because of the overwhelming amount of blood coming out of Malik's head, and because our camera's aren't working properly, we are unable to inform and describe to you about Malik's gory death so we will have to skip over this scene.

Wait a second! If Malik died then this story would be nothing. Er, uh, that part about him getting chopped up…It never happened.

"I'm home!" Malik chirped like a bird as he entered in his home--literally!

"Yeah, so what? I'm home too. In fact, so are Lishido and Isis." Yami Malik replied rudely.

"What an ass."

"Malik, where is that evil plan you promised us this morning?" Isis entered in the room the two Malik's currently stood in.

"Oh I changed my mind. I don't feel like plotting anymore today." He responded to his sister as if he was in a casual conversation.

"Okay..." She blinked.

"...I'm hungry." Yami Malik said after there was a small awkward silence.

"I'm gonna go to Kaiba's mansion because I feel like it and I'm gonna somehow get Yuugi and his friends to come with me...Except that one guy with the brown pointy hair. I don't wanna invite him." Malik finished.

"Excluding people now, aren't we?" Yami Malik raised a brow.

"What about dinner?" Isis asked.

"Screw it." He then walked off.

Meanwhile at the Kaiba mansion...

"Why do I have to do this again?" A long black haired boy in a dress asked. It was...MOKUBA! (insert dramatic music)

"Mokuba, Kaiba's Corp.'s stocks have some how mystically gone down by one percent and I somehow mystically have gone insane from it, just like in a bunch of other fics...Very cliché, isn't it? Anyway, in order to make sure this cliché is used, you will be entering in the Miss Pretty, get this, Junior division, contest." Seto laughed like a maniac.

"God I hate fics and their cliché's." Mokuba mumbled angrily.

"Do you know why I chose you to enter?" He asked his brother.

"Because I'm not a back-stabber and I will give you the prize money if I win?" He replied.

"Of course! I always knew you have some of my intelligence!" Seto clenched his fist with joy.

Mokuba sighed with disgust. "Yeah...One question; are you sure everyone will think I'm a girl?"

"Uhh yeah. A very masculine looking girl that is..."

Suddenly in a distant galaxy that was far far away, which was right over there (points to the exit door for the room the Kaiba brothers were in). People were talking and walking in the hallway!

"Tell me again, why are we gonna go see Kaiba?" Jounouchi asked in an annoyed tone.

"Because Malik wants us to go with him and we have agreed to come with him because we have to. Plus, I came because Kaiba owes me a bag of Cheetos." Yuugi stated.

"Since when does Kaiba eat Cheetos? And take stuff from you?" The blonde friend of Yuugi blinked with a bamboozled look on his face.

"Since when do you have a hot pink gel pen?" Yuugi retorted.

"Yuugi, that's yours." He glared at him.

"Oh." Yuugi looked at the floor.

And then there was another awkward silence in this chapter. They were all silent.

Malik coughed.

Jounouchi scratched his head.

Yuugi played with his hair.

"...But still, why Cheetos?" Anzu asked.

In the puzzle of Yuugi's, Yami Yuugi was there!

"Why are you hanging out with Malik, Yuugi?! Are you that gullible enough for him to convince you that you are both friends?!" Yami Yuugi hollered as he banged his fists on the soul room door that lead to the exit to reality.

"At least don't lock me in my soul room! I wanna come out! I promise I won't take control of you when dinner is about to start so I can eat dinner instead of you anymore! Yuugi!" He continued to bang non-stop on the door.

He then stopped for a second. Everything was quiet. He wanted to see if Yuugi would respond to his pleas. But he didn't.

"Dammit." Yami Yuugi snapped his fingers.

Back to reality!

"I will fulfill my legacy! Bwa ha ha ha!!" Malik laughed.

"How random." Jounouchi pointed out.

"Why did you randomly laugh, Malik?" The spiky short high school-er asked Malik.

"Because I haven't said that in this chapter yet. I must keep up with traditions." The Egyptian replied.

"He's got a point there." Anzu added.

So then Jounouchi and Anzu walked in the room the Kaiba brothers were in.

"Hey you guy-wow!" Jounouchi stared at Mokuba. Seeing Mokuba in a dress caused him to not be able to finish his sentence.

"I knew this was a bad idea!" Mokuba ran off crying.

"Mokuba, come back! You play a key role to let me win!" Seto called after his brother as he held out his hand.

Yuugi then was taken control of his dark counter part. It looks like Yami Yuugi was able to find a way to get out of his soul room after all!

"I somehow know that you are trying to enter Mokuba in a contest to win money. But this contest is only for girls since it is the Miss Pretty contest. Anyway, you want the prize money so you are trying to have him dress up as a girl and you are hoping no one will know his true gender. Am I right?" He conceded.

"And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" Seto yelled out with frustration.

Yami Yuugi then went back to Yuugi. The joys of having a dead pharaoh from 3000 years ago live in you...

"Since it looks like Mokuba doesn't wanna do it, you should enter Anzu instead!" Yuugi brightly suggested.

"What are you, crazy?! No one likes old girls. In order to win I need a girl that is young and cute, which you friend could never fit into those categories." Seto stated intelligently with his eyes closed and his index finger pointing up.

"Are you saying I'm old?!" Anzu asked in a pissed off tone.

"Maybe."

"Shut up both of you!" Malik spat.

"Why do you care if they are fighting?" Jounouchi asked.

"I don't care if they are, it's just I haven't said anything in a while so I said that."

"I'm gonna go look for Mokuba." Seto spoke to himself as he walked to the exit.

"I want my bag of Cheetos you owe me, Kaiba. NOW!" Yuugi stood in a dramatic pose with his finger pointed at Kaiba.

Seto sighed. "If you want your damn Cheetos then come with me and I'll look for some while looking for Mokuba."

"Yay!" Yuugi cheered.

So the search for Mokuba and a bag of Cheetos (which we know Kaiba will never give one to Yuugi-or will he?) begins....

Oh and the protesting hippies are somewhere hiding in the, uh, hallway. Since laziness is in the air they are not added in this chapter. Can you find them? (It is just like _Where's Waldo?_)

To be continued.

-

r&r


End file.
